On normal days, I love being “mom.” It’s a demanding, all-consuming role that sucks up every ounce of my energy and attention, but usually I can find maternal enjoyment and pleasure to balance out the near-constant stream of annoyances. I’m typically motivated to tackle whatever challenges the day may bring.
Then there are days like today. Without knowing why, I woke up feeling like a caged tiger ready to pounce on anyone that crossed my path. When G asked what in the heck my problem was, I angrily responded, “I don’t feel like being ‘mom’ today!!”
G helpfully suggested that I go back to sleep. The good man took care of the girls until I woke up a couple of hours later. I don’t remember the last time I slept in; once Baby Sis wakes up around 5:30 or 6:00, my eyes are open and my mind is racing, thinking about all the things I need to do. It’s not long before I hop out of bed and dive in to the day’s tasks.
Today it felt good to have some extra sleep. But even though I awoke more rested, I still felt unmotivated and kind of burned out. I didn’t feel like doing my normal mom stuff, like folding the mountain of laundry that has been sitting there for a week already or making fresh baby food for Baby Sis. I decided to adjust my expectations: I would muster up some energy to take care of the girls and let everything else go. We could dig through a basket for a pair of socks or feed Baby Sis from a jar.
Of course, when you’re a mom, it takes a lot of energy and patience just to maintain the status quo. There are splinters to be dislodged from 4-year-old fingers, crawling babies to chase after, lunch to be made. There are outbursts, tears, tantrums and whining to manage. If you’re tired and unmotivated, living a normal day is a big challenge.
I know it sounds selfish but occasionally I have a day where I just don’t want to be “mom.” It’s not often, but every once in a while I just want to be me and do what I want to do. Is that so wrong??
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel back to my normal mom-self. Right now, I’m going to go enjoy this most blessed hour of the day when both girls are napping — and I don’t have to be “mom.” I can just be me for a little while!!