The “Baby Factory” Has Some Polite Words of Advice

I would like to politely suggest that Emily Post, Queen of Etiquette, update her advice on pregnant women. 

Let me clarify — not her advice for pregnant women, but her advice for anyone who encounters an expectant mother. 

Here are a few comments that Ms. Post may wish to advise against making to any pregnant woman:

“How far along are you?  You’re tiny!” OR “How far along are you?  You’re huge!” (During my two pregnancies I have frequently heard both of the preceding statements in the course of a single week — which means that people have vastly different notions of how big a pregnant woman should be in, say, her 6th month.)

“You’re certainly hiding it well!” (Maybe 100 years ago, women wanted to “hide” their “condition” if they were pregnant and unmarried — but generally these days women are fine with the concept that people will notice that they’re “in a delicate way.”)

“Your face changed!” (Generally this is not okay to say to anyone, particularly a woman who is — to quote pregnant Calliope from Grey’s Anatomy — a “hormone casserole” whose body has swelled to many times its normal size.)

“You’re carrying low — you must be having a boy!”  (Curiously, I’ve heard this most often from male strangers on the street during both pregnancies — both of which have been girls, by the way.  I’m not sure what makes any man (a) comfortable commenting on on a strange woman’s abdomen as she is walking past; (b) certain that they know whether she is “carrying high” or “carrying low”; or (c) confident that they understand the correlation between the way a woman is “carrying” and the sex of the baby – ???)

And here’s my personal favorite:

“You’re having another one??  Well, aren’t you a little baby factory!!” 

If I could be so bold, I’d like to suggest that Ms. Post include the following two polite, acceptable comments that I believe most pregnant women would not find offensive and would welcome hearing:

“Congratulations!”

“You certainly have that pregnant glow about you!”

If any explanation is needed, perhaps Ms. Post could offer that it’s never very polite to make comments about another person’s body — even if that person is pregnant!! 

P.S.  For some fun reading, check out Emily Post’s etiquette website, www.emilypost.com — now managed by her great-granddaughter Peggy Post.  Here’s her advice for new moms:  New Mom Etiquette.

P.S. 2 – On a similar topic — here’s an enjoyable post on TODAY Moms about encountering the “pregnancy police” while drinking a glass of wine at a social event:  Back Off, Pregnancy Police — I Know What I’m Doing!

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